Welcome once again to

Uncle Crotches Story Time


I can’t remember whether or not I have ever mentioned here that I used to work for one of the largest oil companies in the world.  I worked in various divisions within the company in my time there.  For a while I worked at a gas station in my home town and once I left I still came back to visit the friends I had made while I was there.  On one occasion I was visiting after my shift in the main westcoast office of the companies credit division.  I stopped by to visit my friend mike and this girl that I was trying to hook it up with.  I was there for a while when this really nice lady that I remembered from when I worked there came in and asked somebody for help finding her oil cap.  We went out to see if we could find it.  We looked around the top of the car and around the bottom but we couldn’t find it.  We got some flash lights and looked down into the engine compartment where we eventually found it.  It was perched on one of the strut supports.  We tried as hard as we could but we couldn’t reach it from the top.  She had a brand new Camero that she had lowered so there was no way we were going to be able to reach it from the bottom.  Amoung the three of us we decided it would be a good idea to get her car jack and raise the car up enough for me to crawl under it and grab the oil cap.  We got the jack and raised it up about a foot and a half just enough for me to crawl confortable under.  I had just reached up and grab the oil cap when I heard someone scream ” GET THE FUCK OUT FROM UNDER THERE”.  I had just enough time to say ” What?” when I heard the car jack slip and the car came crashing down on to my head.  Now this would only have hurt a little because the wheels would have caught the car and I would only have to feel the first hit when the car touched my head.  All that would be true if the tire support hadn’t broke and the car came full force onto the side of my head.  Luckily when the tire broke off it fell under the frame of the car which is the only reason I am not dead today.  However I was pinned between the hulking mass of automobile and the cold rough pavement.  I blacked out for a few minutes from shear pain and relief that I wasn’t dead.  When I awoke I learned that I was still stuck because when the car jack slipped something in it broke.  So they couldn’t jack the car up off of my head and I couldn’t squeeze my head out so I was stuck completely.  It was night time so unfortunately the gas station was not very busy and no one that came in had a jack and surprisingly cared very little that there was a persons head slowly being crushed under a couple thousand pounds of pressure.  Someone fianally had the brilliant idea to call 911 and the fire department came and took me to the hospital.  Amazingly enough I had minor scratches and a slight fracture in my cheek.  Believe it or not I escaped without any brain damage or any long term effects of any of the injuries.  Just another one of the bizarre tragedies that litter my past.



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