Gophers are deceptive creatures. They crawl around under your grass and fool you into to thinking they are just there to scavenge your grass for sustenance. However they are actually gathering supplies in preparation of an animal uprising. Now you may think that to be a ridiculous concept but let me tell you I have seen the plans. I won’t divulge my source, mainly because you’d think me insane, but the strike will take place sometime soon. You might be saying to yourself “We have guns we’ll just kill them. They’re just furry creatures they can’t do anything.” Well let me tell you if you’ve ever lived under the oppressive and iron-fisted rule of an angry badger, like I have, you too would fear the coming beastial apocolypse. You’ve all been warned. Keep your eyes on your pets and any other animals you might see. Also be sure to tell as many people about the uprising as possible. Especially the police, they like to hear stuff like that. Oh and make sure you tell them when they’ve pulled you over for something like speeding. That way you can tell them you were trying to get away from a rampaging group of rogue muscrats.
CrotchI don’t care if anyone else thought this was funny because I did and this stuff is mainly for me anyway.