Gophers are deceptive creatures.  They crawl around under your grass and fool you into to thinking they are just there to scavenge your grass for sustenance.  However they are actually gathering supplies in preparation of an animal uprising.  Now you may think that to be a ridiculous concept but let me tell you I have seen the plans.  I won’t divulge my source, mainly because you’d think me insane, but the strike will take place sometime soon.  You might be saying to yourself “We have guns we’ll just kill them.  They’re just furry creatures they can’t do anything.”  Well let me tell you if you’ve ever lived under the oppressive and iron-fisted rule of an angry badger, like I have, you too would fear the coming beastial apocolypse.  You’ve all been warned.  Keep your eyes on your pets and any other animals you might see.  Also be sure to tell as many people about the uprising as possible.  Especially the police, they like to hear stuff like that.  Oh and make sure you tell them when they’ve pulled you over for something like speeding.  That way you can tell them you were trying to get away from a rampaging group of rogue muscrats.


I don’t care if anyone else thought this was funny because I did and this stuff is mainly for me anyway.


One thought on “

  1. I totally believe you about the gophers. They excel at building underground foretresses and manipulating the media to create a cute public image of themselves. Their influence must also be seated deep within the government for they have their own day named after them where the season is based on their king! That’s why it’s good to have a crazy dog that’ll catch anything small and furry. I’ve taken my precaution… have you?

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