Most of the people who know me and read this already know the story but I did promise to put it up here so as promised I bring you the story of:
How Crotch almost joined a band

So I was driving in San Francisco to pick up my mom and dad from UCSF medical center where my dad was having some tests done.  It was a nice warm day in the city so I had all my windows down and my stereo up pretty loud. 


Now for those of you that don’t know me well, and maybe for those of you that do but don’t know this, I used to be the lead singer of a band. We lasted through most of junior high, high school, and for about two years after graduation.  We were a pretty good metal band and, despite my changing voice from my preteen years to adulthood, we never had another singer.  My tastes changed and I wanted to start changing the sound we played but the other guys were pretty well set in their ideas so I quit the band.  After trying fruitlessly to find the right mix of people who shared my musical interests I gave up singing.  Anyway back to the story:

*End of interlude*

So I had the stereo up and like most people I was singing along with the music.  I came up to a stop light and was still singing waiting for the light to change when I noticed, out the side of my eye, a guy with a guitar case standing on the corner checking me out.  Now it is the city for such things and I am indeed a fine specimen so I took no offense at what I thought was an amorous appraisal.  It turned out the guy was just listening to me sing.  The song I was singing ended and I was just about to change CD’s when the guy yells out to me
        “Hey! Hey man!”
I didn’t know he was talking to me so I didn’t look.
       “Hey dude was that FEAR?”
I now knew he was talking to me because I had indeed been playing FEAR (Awesome band by the way). I said yeah and he said something about how much he loved FEAR and how he got to meet Lee Ving (the lead singer) once when they played in San Jose.  He then said
       “Hey your a good singer.  I’ve never heard anybody that could sing harmony with Lee.”
I thanked him and told him I used to be a singer.
       “Do you still sing?”
I sadly had to tell him only in the car but didn’t go into why(the lights in certain parts of the city can be really long).
       “Hey man I have a band and I just fired our singer last week.  We got a couple of gigs next month and I really don’t want to cancel them.  You should come down so the rest of the guys can hear you sing and maybe we can jam for a while.  As far as I’m concerned if you can learn the songs in time you’re in.  I think you’d really like our shit.”
He then went into a description of a bunch of different bands and their individual styles, none of which I can remember but I do know that the idea sounded awesome.  The light changed, I turned the corner and talked some more with the guy.  He told me that he had a practice space in Berkeley that the band played at and gave me the address and told me the next time they’d be there.  I shook the dudes hand and told him I would see him at the place and we went our separate ways. 

Now for the sad part of the story:
I sucked and they hated me.  Just kidding.  No the sad part is that neither of us thought to get the others phone number or email so there was no way for either of us to contact the other.  After leaving my new friend I was driving down the road and was almost run off the road by three cop cars speeding along to a call.  I almost hit a car and what I can, with a fair degree of uncertainty,  say might have been a woman.  All of that seemed to push out of my memory the guys name, started with an “R” I’m sure, when we were going to play, and most importantly the address to the practice space.  No band for Crotch I guess but my long held suspicions have been confirmed:
I was born to be a Rock Star

Dusting off my leather pants as we speak


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