I wrote this on myspace a couple of days ago and some people have told
me they like it quite a lot so I thought I might share it with the
random collection of people that read this here.
I took a break from reading Being And Nothingness by Jean Paul Sartre to read Waiting For Godot by Samuel Beckett and Ithaca by Constantine P. Cavafy.
I read them both when I was younger, but didn’t really get into
Godot. Plays are meant to be seen and not read after all. I
loved Ithaca as a
child though, it gave me hope and made me understand what life
was really about. Godot went completely over my head. I
and didn’t really get what it was about then. Having re-read it I
see what’s really there. I like it quite a lot. I won’t go
story or why I understood it more now but I will put down one of my
tears of the world are a constant quantity. For each one who begins to
weep, somewhere else another stops. The same is true of the laugh.
It makes me sad to think that the end of my tears has brought about the
begining of someone elses, or that the start of my laugh has ended
anothers. I guess in some ways this line is true though. When you’re
happy inevitably there’s someone else that’s hurt by that. To an extent
I guess when you’re sad there’s also someone who finds joy in it. This
is a funky, fucked up world we live in people. I’d gladly go on crying
if it meant keeping that from someone else, but I have no more control
over the impetus for my emotions than another person. So instead I
laugh. We are all masters of our own destinys, and though they be
subject to the vagaries of fate, we persist in the struggle to find our
way. I’m finding mine and, though it be hard, in the end it will be
fantastic. The moral of Ithaca one should remember is: it’s
not the destination that is the reward but the journey there. My
journey may be hard but I will end it more fulfilled and stronger.
Crying shouldn’t always be seen as a bad state of things though.
There’s a Bright Eyes lyric that’s been running through my head that I
suppose is quite true:
“your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow”
you’re crying and it looks like fate has turned it’s back, look up and
you’ll see me. I’ll be waiting to wipe away your tears and to watch
you grow. You’ll be beautiful and you’ll be strong and I will be very,
very proud. And I’ll be waiting there to give you my laugh because
it’s the best I have to give.