I was checking the email in my random crap account and decided to check the spam folder.  Now as everyone knows spam is usually a bunch of crap but sometimes I like to read it because it can be pretty funny the shit people try to get you to buy.  I opened one called “Glacial Endorsement” thinking someone wanted me to buy a glacier for some unknown reason.  I mean why the hell not, who wouldn’t want their own glacier?  That way when global warming finally has it’s way with our planet and the polar ice caps melt I could be indirectly responsible for the earthly demise of millions upon millions of people.  I could be be the worlds most prolific mass murderer with out having to lift a finger.  The problem with that is A: I don’t want to kill people and B: Everyone would be dead so there’s be nobody to recognize my passive achievement.  Any way now that I have freaked you people out I’ll tell you what I found in the email.  It was just another bullshit stock recommendation email but the opening and closing sentences were hilarious.  They were either purposely written as gibberish or they were written in another language and translated directly into English without any contextual editing.  The joy of this insane production follows below.  I’ve edited out the whole stock bit because no one wants to read that shit but I’ve left in the good bit. Enjoy


 


stench, host squeaky thrifty it as belligerence boycott cash flow of ashamed thrift atheism was director?! west relish intercede

 

 

loan. milliner. is as layman, a tribute

askance list arousal the this pulsation as guided, perverse musk computer examine outstandingly,.

review tiebreaker the as soaking wet gay

yummy is gesticulate skid!!! covetous geeky anticipation, napalm golly strongly superiority, of pricey intermittently outright was!!!

 

 

I did not make this up.  I’m not this crazy, believe it or not.

 

Crotch

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