And Now, Cheez-it Evening Theatre presents The Many Adventures Of Scott Free and Crotch Buddy

Tonight’s Adventure:
Episode II: Our heroes go to, a Bar Rock Show!


This is the way it looked.
That is, this is the way it looked if you had been imbibing heavily and were looking up and out of the bar.

Scott Free and his ever faithful Crotch took Sparkles and The Original Mai Eugene to a Rock Show! on a Saturday night.
But wait! The story doesn’t start there. No, dear readers, the story starts but just a few hours prior.

They had been in the car for what now seemed like five and 1/8 years. Driving around and around, looking for a parking space. All of these circles must surely have driven them mad, for just as one might continue to look into the fridge, in the grips of a hunger pang, hoping for nourishment to magically appear with each swing of the mighty alabaster door, our heroes were looking for parking in the same spots over and over. Not once did it seem like their odds were improving yet they remained steadfast in their hunt, certain that they would find a spot; some spot that another poor sucker had foolishly overlooked.

With the hour of the Rock Show! fast approaching, the crew made one last, futile, circle of the block. Previously it had been suggested that they park in a garage, some number of city blocks away, and take a bus back towards the venue that the Rock Show! would be taking place at.

Digression: Scott Free has a slight aversion to germs. Slight being a word that he himself would apply, only because he feels that it is not such a bad idea, to take care of one’s health and to avoid unnecessary contamination. Others would see this adjective slight to be a gross understatement, as there are some amongst the group that have taken to referring to Scott free as “Mr. Howard Hughes”
Back on track

Scott protested the idea of public transit at first, but as the commencement of the Rock Show! drew nearer, he relented and they drove to the underground lot, a mere 10 blocks away from the venue.

The team ventured forth from the catacombs, caught the next bus, and rode without incident; something that Mr. Free cannot understand, even to this very day.

How did it happen so seamlessly? Why didn’t someone pee on my shoes or vomit into my trousers? I’ve heard of people getting pick pocketed yet I was unaltered and my person remained free from molestation

During the long and germ infested ride on the public transit vehicle, an acquaintance was procured. The fellow in question was indeed a friend of one of the bands performing at the evenings Rock Show! and, not being from the area, inquired as to the whereabouts of said Rock Show!
After agreeing to provide his likeness for use later in this periodical1, the young man was allowed to join our heroes in their quest for rockage, and the whole group launched themselves from the cesspool-on-wheels at the very next opportunity. This happened to be a fortuitous moment for jettison because it placed our heroes within striking distance of the Rock Show! and all of the evening’s foretold delights.

Cautiously venturing inward, our band of merry travelers promptly lost it’s newest member. The unfortunate gentleman was never heard from again and is presumed dead. His memory will forever live on the hearts of those that…oh look!, it’s a bar that is made up in such a manner as to look like a Tudor style public house!

Yes, our group of pleasure seekers grew instantly fond of their new surroundings and couldn’t be bothered to remember if perhaps there may have been one less amongst them.
The Guinness flowed from the tap like Rapunzel’s hair down the tall tower, cascading into the hands of the prince that adored her so, and likewise into the pint glass to be consumed by the thirsty mob. A trip to the facilities was in order and the lasses and lads went to their respective destinations. Curiously, the gent’s quarters had two urinals in the foyer of the restroom, but no basin, nor mirror. Venturing deeper inward, one could find the latrine and the basin in another room, complete with a door betwixt the two rooms. Awkward for those that need to wash up whilst another fellow sits upon the throne, indeed!

Upon returning from the relief, an order of fish and chips was placed and the friends chatted with members of the band that had been the impetus for that night’s expedition, Music For Animals. Scott Free was propositioned to work the door that night, and he accepted his quest! Thus the group disembarked from the lower level of the pub and traveled forth, up the two sets of stairs and towards the stage, the stage for the Rock Show!

As Scott Free collected the monies and met a lot of nice people, Crotch Buddy, Sparkles and The Original Mai Eugene (T.O.M.E.) went inside to enjoy the show. Crotch Buddy and Sparkles were enlisted into the Merchandising Army and dutifully performed their assignment: “Sell A Buttload Of Merch”, while T.O.M.E. was tasked with using Mr Free’s image capturing apparatus to commemorate the evening. She did a great job.
The fruits of her labor shall be displayed:

These are the members of one of the greatest rock bands that the nation world galaxy universe has ever known, Music For Animals.

Jay the Fro

Nick the Screamer

Eli Red Tie

Ryan “Crazy Hands”
It should be noted that, while in the context of the above photograph it may certainly appear to be so, "Crazy Hands" is not a keyboardist, but a drummer.

And with a parting shot of the band as a unit
our story, dear readers, shall have…

to be Continued…

Stay tuned for the next exciting episode of: “Cheez-it Evening Theatre presents The Many Adventures Of Scott Free and Crotch Buddy”
Brought to you in part by Guinness. Guinness beer: “Dang, that’s good beer!”

Scott Free through with trying his hand, he resorts to more unconventional methods…

1The editors of this fine periodical have deemed this fellow’s likeness to be unsuitable for representation in the aforementioned periodical. Your forgiveness is requested and, as a gesture of good faith, a coupon, redeemable at your local drinking establishment, for a free pint of fine, flavorful, Guinness brand beer can be found at this link.
Guinness beer: “Dang, that’s good beer!”


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